Thoughts of my grandmother come unbidden and I smile.  I should really give her a call, I think, trying to remember the last time we spoke.  A second passes and my memories crash down on me.  There will be no phone call, not tonight, not ever.  She is no longer here and although she died a year ago, there have been moments in my life that I forget she's gone.  And the thundering realization breaks my heart wide open every time.  I want to hear her voice so badly, my soul aches and my heart feels like it's collapsing upon itself.

This--this vast emptiness I feel--this is heartache, heartbreak, and love all rolled into one.  It's through this tearful heartache that I find a salty, curious hope: that I may crave conversation with my God as much as I yearn for it with her.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ~1 Corinthians 13:7

Tonight is just a prayer.  Today I was in desperate need of it, so prayed some of this over and over and over...hopefully, it's rambling it's way to God's heart.

Dear Father, Savior, Redeemer, please unsettle me.  Please help me grow discontent in my daily life, help me to not settle for complacency in my existence.  Help me long to do good, be good, and be a power for good.  Help me show others today the love that You have shown the world through our creation and the gift of Your son, Jesus.  Grant that I may use the gifts You have given me to help those You choose to put in my path today.  Allow me to share the love and the light of Your glory to rekindle the hearts of those I meet on this day.  Even when I am weary, Lord, I rejoice that I can do great things through You, as You lift me up and strengthen me day by day.  To You I give thanks, glory, and honor and I ask all these things humbly through the name of Christ our Lord.

Amen.

A few Sundays ago, like usual, I went to church.  After the service was over, I prayed a little longer, as is my custom, then walked out the door.  I had to stop at a store on the way home for items like shampoo.  After I checked out and was heading to my car, a woman stopped me.

"Excuse me," she started, "Did I see you at St. Mary?"

I smiled and told her I had been there.

"You always pray after the service is over."

I told her this was a custom my father had taught us when we were children.  We proceeded to talk about the service, the weather, and winter as we walked to our cars.

Driving home, I thought about how kind the woman had been and how she had recognized me as a Christian by where she had seen me.  How many people, I wondered, recognized me as a Christian without knowing where I spend my Sundays?  How many people recognized me as a Christian by my behavior alone?

When thoughts like this hit you, they require a profound shift in your life.  You might not overhaul your existence, but you take a beat, thinking, how can I show God's love better?  What can I do right here, right now, to help someone in need, someone suffering?

I started by immediately changing little things in my life.  I donated clothes, I became a more considerate driver, and I started praying for opportunities to truly help people.  If someone is in need, God, someone that I can help, please put them in my way.  And He has.  Whether it's getting the opportunity to pray for the recently deceased, giving children in need blankets to keep them warm, or driving a stranger walking in 20 degree weather across town, there has been abundant need.  And in looking for those situations with which I can help on a daily basis, I am noticing Him so much more in all the details of my life.

God has put the body together...that its parts should have equal concern for each other.  If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

~1 Corinthians 12:24-26

Follow.

Trust.

Listen.

Faith.

Hope.

There's a catching movement in the world called One Word.  Instead of a New Year's resolution, you are supposed to choose a single word that calls to you and meditate on your life and God's involvement in it, through that single word.  I had the hardest time discerning what that word should be.

But this is my year of hope.

By the end of this year, I hope to better understand God's plan for my life; I hope to know what He is calling me to do.  

"The meaning of life is to find your gift,

the purpose of life is to give it away."